i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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