Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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