tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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