He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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