I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
