the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
