Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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