Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
