remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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