It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
There r osticjed everywhere
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
