I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
