I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
