East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
