My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
