You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
