Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Welp...herpes.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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