her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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