I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
