it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
