I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
