Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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