i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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