What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
