Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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