stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
