Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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