The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
