I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
