Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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