It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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