You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
