I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
