even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
