i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
