dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
