Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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