I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
