How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
