I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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