I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
