So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
