I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
