chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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