I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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