absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
