I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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