How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you will always have a special place in my vag
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
