I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
