yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
