i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
