saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You ruined the universe
Randomize
